Press play and read it aloud, slow and easy: Mocky - "Birds of a Feather"

You’re driving in the early evening of an easy spring. The sun paints the landscape around you a promising orange and all the traffic has disappeared, letting you zoom across the bouncing ribbon road. Home is a few slow miles ahead, but you turn to take the long way as this song plays over the radio…

Be Like the Squirrel, Girl

I'm proud to say this is my second blog post regarding squirrels. Although I do think highly of them, many would argue that they are basically doing what we pay them to do (be cute and keep old people occupied). However, you might understand my appreciation for them if you listen to this video of "Little Acorns" by The White Stripes.

The squirrel taught me
Today at work, I had a metaphorical conglomerate stone of miscellaneous projects that I needed to complete. So, I broke that stone into smaller tasks with my pickaxe of practicality. In that way, I could take them on one at a time. Guess what. It was a success! I hope that you too can "be like the squirrel, girl!" (or boy).

Weekend Theme Song Challenge: "Should I Stay or Should I Go?"

This week’s Weekend Theme Song Challenge was “Should I Stay or Should I Go?” by The Clash. And, like the exciting confusion of the song, I too am an exciting mess! Rather than being confused, however, I am frenetic. I just drank a Red Bull. Austria!

The challenge is between little old me and Hyperbole Personified. Who won the challenge? UTELLME

This past week, my brother and sister came to visit me here in Los Angeles. A week! Can you imagine? I can. But I don’t have to because it was real. It was a fantastic time. So, in lieu of doing a “Weekend” of living out the theme of “Should I Stay or Should I Go?”, I’ll be writing about the whole week they were here as it pertains to this song! (Crowd response: “Yay. He’s going to talk about experiences that are only moderately interesting to people who didn’t experience them…”)

We did a lot of the cool things that one is supposed to do when visiting LA and the area. We went to Hollywood and Highland, MOCA, Downtown, The Grove, all that stuff. In fact there was so much stuff, we often had a hard time deciding what to do, because our time was limited – although a week in LA doesn’t seem like much of a time limit, does it?

So how does all of this crap you’re saying relate to the song, Mr. R.A.I.O.M.B.?
Well, to hell with you! That’s what I say! Exclamation points! Red Bull! Here are some examples…

Should I Stay or Should I Go?
- My internet wasn’t working, so we had to surf the web on my brother’s high tech future phone. It was slow going and we couldn’t decide which comedy show at UCB we wanted to go to on Sunday. We decided to “stay” home (rather than “go”) and played badminton with friends and neighbors all night in my tiny yard with a lemon tree and beers.

- We went to take pictures of ourselves with the Hollywood sign in the background. I parked on a winding street where I saw a sign that read “Absolutely No Stopping”. My car was taking up an entire lane and it caused two almost-car-accidents. When a middle aged man stopped his car to point out the “Absolutely No Stopping” sign to me, we decided to “stay” and finish taking pictures. I feel bad about that. But I was just living out the weekend’s theme song and I think, in hindsight, he understands.

- When we went to Six Flags at Magic Mountain, I had to heave insults and angry words of wisdom at my sister in order to get her to ride “Riddler’s Revenge”. She loved it – the ride, not the insults. She was wise in deciding to “go”.

- We went to the Getty Center and saw a plethora of great photography and paintings. I told my brother and sister that we could either “stay” a little longer at the Getty or “go” to a surprise location that could only be truly enjoyed in daylight. With the sun sinking, we hurried to South Pasadena and were delighted to see some of the houses where Back to the Future was filmed. Our timing couldn’t have been better because there was a guy in front of George McFly’s house with an exact replica of the Delorian time machine as seen in BTTF II! We got great pics and someday I will post them (when I get them from my bro-bro). I’m glad we decided to “go”!

- We spent a couple days using the subway to get around. Generally, it was pretty smooth sailing. There was a period of time, however, when we consistently made the wrong decisions about which trains to “stay” on and which to “go” on. We got tangled up in Hollywood where two lines meet and spent an hour or so getting our act together.

- Lastly, the final “stay or go” situation... On Monday afternoon, less than 24 hours before my brother and sister would have to get on a plane to go back to Fargo, North Dakota, they were faced with a stone-hard decision. They could either go back home like chumps or they could continue the magical, storybook life of busking on Hollywood Blvd and sleeping in my living room. They decided that, although they enjoyed LA, they both had lives waiting for them back in Fargo.

All in all, the week was great, the badminton was intense, the subway was entertaining and the Hollywood was Holly-filled. Thanks brother and sister! Big fat love to you both!


NOTE: If you don’t know what the Weekend Theme Song Challenge is, go to the first posting about it here.

Yee Haw!

Yee Haw, indeed! I wish I knew where the phrase "yee haw" comes from...

My brother and sister recently visited me out here on the west coast. So, stay tuned for fun stories and madness.

Also, please keep yourself tuned - "stay tuned", that is - for the next installment of the "Weekend Theme Song Challenge", which is a mad, mad competition between yours truly and Hyperbole Personified. It is sure to please. And if it doesn't, that's your fault for not being receptive to radicalness.

In the meantime, enjoy this beautiful twin urinal set. Try to guess where I saw it. You WILL win a prize!*

*You will not win a prize.

Weekend Theme Song Challenge: "Stuck In The Middle With You"

Last weekend’s theme song – if you hadn’t yet guessed by the title of this blog – was “Stuck in the Middle With You” by Stealers Wheel. For most of my childhood and adolescence, I thought that Bob Dylan sang that song. He doesn’t. Wanna know what else I thought, that I turned out to be wrong about? “Fresno is an ultra hip, bustling metropolis.” Totally not true… but totally a great surprise of a city!



















Fresno? More like FresYES!
Indeed. I spent the weekend in the city of Fresno, California. Why did I think it was a place where cool people – the type who wear “ironic” clothing – live? I blame it on the Beastie Boys, who oh-so-aptly rhyme with the word “Fresno”: Got busy in Frisco. Fooled around in Fresno / Got over on your girl ‘cause you know she never says ‘no’. Doesn’t Fresno sound rad? I want to "get over" on a girl – whatever that means.

Anyway… How does this weekend’s trip fit into this weekend’s theme song? Well, I spent about 8 hours in a car, driving to and from Fresno through the California desert. Essentially, I was “stuck in the middle” of the desert – and California itself – with three enchanting companions. (“Clowns to the left of me. Jokers to the right”, as the song goes.)

Leaving LA
The farther you drive away from Los Angeles, the more you remember what the real world is like. Los Angeles is kind of like a weird land of make-believe for adults. You forget you’re in it until you get out of it. The first sign that we weren’t in Los Angeles county was literally a sign, mounted on top of a large, brand new apartment complex. It read: “Free Rent”.

You won’t see signs like that in or near LA, but I guess it’s harder to get people to move into apartments in the 100 degree heat of the desert. A few miles down the road, I saw another sign worthy of note. It was affixed to a ramshackle house with a fenced-in yard of patchy desert grass. Inside the fence was a shirtless man with cutoff jeans and unkempt hair, who was hosing off a dog for some reason. On the sign, he had done his best to print the words “Dog Problems”, followed by a phone number. If I call this number, will he cause or fix these “dog problems”? I don’t want to know.

The highlight of the drive to Fresno was the “Musical Road” near Lancaster, CA. Perhaps you’ve heard of it by its other name – “Awesome”.

Fresno
If you’re anything like me, you’re thinking, “Quit talking about the ride to Fresno and talk about the damn city itself!” Fine. The part of Fresno that we stayed in was slightly run down, but it had a lot of heart. It reminded me of a small town in Minnesota, because of all the positivity and hope it seemed to radiate. Nothing visible, just a kindness and sense of something greater in the hearts of the city’s people.

Sadly, the economy didn’t seem to be treating this part of Fresno very well. It may have been the unrelenting desert heat, but the city was far from bustling on this particular Saturday. And there seemed to be an abundance of abandoned warehouse-type buildings that made me want to buy them and shoot sappy music videos in them. While at a local eatery, Jay, a fellow traveler, noticed that two of the three TVs mounted on the walls weren’t on. He pointed out that they seemed to be symbolic of the businesses in Fresno – plenty of buildings, most of them empty.

Chukchansi Park
One shining beacon of hope in Fresno was Chukchansi Park – the home of the Fresno Grizzlies, a minor league baseball team that was playing the Albuquerque Isotopes on our Saturday evening visit. This game was our reason for going to Fresno since one of our travelers – Amy – has a brother who works for the Isotopes as a Video Coordinator. It was a fun game. Fantastic food and desire-quenching beer. Here are some pictures of me living out the weekend theme song with clowns and jokers …













They call her Mustang Sally
In some ways, “Mustang Sally” could have been the theme song to this weekend. After the game (Isotopes won! Go ‘Topes!), we all met up with Amy’s brother and had some cheap beer at a place called “Hero’s Sports Lounge”. The employees there were my heroes! One was from Minnesota. Maybe she was the one giving off the happy Minnesota vibe that I felt in Fresno.

Anyway, “Mustang Sally” could’ve been a great theme song for this weekend, because the lovely Alexis – another traveler – and I were one of a few couples dancing to that song when a gentlemanly bar band was playing it in the upper level of the bar. It was fun. A middle-aged couple, who seemed to “know a thing or two” about dancing, told us they were the judges and that they judged Alexis and I to be the best dancers. Winners! “Mustang Sally” stayed in my head for the rest of the night and into the following afternoon when we hit the road and headed back towards LA.

Cheese? Bravo!
As we departed from Fresno, we enjoyed from the road the view of the many and varied agricultural endeavors – grapes, nectarines and who knows what else! A half hour into the journey, Jay pulled over at a place called Bravo Farms Cheese Factory. Having been to only one other cheese factory in my life, I was excited to have a cheese factory affair.

I could spend a whole other blog post writing about the merits of the Bravo Farms Cheese Factory, and maybe someday I will. But, for now, I’ll just write a bunch of phrases that sum up the experiences you can have at this wonderful and magical place…

-Free cheese samples might get you drunk
-"There's a mini toilet in the bathroom!"
-Puppets sing along with satellite radio
-A backyard you never knew existed
-I’m nuts about nuts and carbohydrate snacks!
-Cheese and keychains and magnets and wine and gifts and cheese
-Amy calls them “Aw-renges”

The whole weekend was a darn happy California experience. I may have been “stuck in the middle” of California, but it was a good kind of stuck – the kind of stuck that can only be experienced with three wonderful traveling companions. Thanks guys!

NOTE: If you don’t know what the Weekend Theme Song Challenge is, go here.

America's Funniest Home Videos

"Awesome." "Practically the best thing ever." "I can't believe I like this so much." These are my responses to a rediscovered love in my life - "America's Funniest Home Videos". This show has been on since 1989, and has had, on its grand and lively set, four hosts of varying talent and sexiness. For my money, the best host was Bob Saget. From here on out, that’s the “America’s Funniest Home Videos” I’m talkin’ 'bout.

Although, as a child, I really disliked his inane, rambling "monologues", complete with jokes that trailed off into rolled eyes, I can't help but look back at Bob Saget's years on this show with the fondest of feelings. Perhaps it was the 24 oz. can of Miller High Life I was drinking, but last night, I absolutely, thoroughly enjoyed this show - Bob Saget and all!

It's so damn good
Why was this show the source of so much joy and excitement as a child? And even now as an adult? After all, many of the video clips featured on the show were predictable; you knew what was going to happen the moment you saw the setup…

Setup example:
A 50-year-old man at a wedding anniversary reception is on the dance floor shaking his groove thang. But – uh oh! – ten feet away is a woman carrying a large sheet cake! What happens next?
A) The man stops dancing and asks the woman for a piece of the cake.
B) The man slips and falls into the woman, destroying the cake.
C) The man continues dancing, and waves at the woman benignly as she walks by.

I think you know the result, but I’ll say it anyway – it’s “B”. Why was it “B”? Obviously, we want to see crashes and injuries! And dogs doing human things! Adults doing childish things! Men getting nailed in the groin with various objects!! Babies vomiting on babies!! Trees tipping over on cars tipping over on sandcastles!! And for Pete’s sake – if they look awesome in reverse, play them in reverse!!!

"A.F.V." provided all of these appealing video scenarios – and oh so much more. They did it with musical montages, Bob Saget’s lively, high-pitched voiceovers, and a glorious selection of cartoonish sound effects. My – this show had it all! And its supreme early-90’s splendor lives on in syndication… and YouTube.

A.F.V. VIDEOS
Won’t you join me in reliving some wonderful "A.F.V." moments? Yes. Yes, you will…
Intro to the first show!
Love the high-pitched voiceover at 1:00!
Fun!
More!
An honest look at the real "A.F.V."?
Many more videos here!

Epilogue: the theme song
I almost forgot! Do you remember the original theme song for “America’s Funniest Home Videos”? I do, and I still sing it at my mirror every morning while I’m combing my freshly-showered hair and wearing sunglasses. The comb usually doubles as a microphone. If you can remember all or most of the lyrics, you and I should be friends – not real friends, but the kind of friends who sing this theme song together.

Say Tuned: Weekend Theme Song Challenge #2

The song for this weekend's Weekend Theme Song Challenge, is "Stuck in the Middle With You" by Stealers Wheel. (If you don't know what the Weekend Theme Song Challenge is, go here!)

Stay tuned as I attempt - against the will of my blog nemesis ("blogesis") and friend, Hyperbole Personified - to live out my weekend according to this fantasticated song! I'll post all about it next week at some point. Check my blogesis's post about her weekend, too. (Enjoy it while you can, because she will surely perish by my hand!)

I'm going to Fresno and no one can stop me!

QMC