Loose Thoughts: "Accidentally Stupid"

Sometimes I question whether some people with whom I spend my time think I'm as smart and skilled as I know I am. (Just the fact that I wrote such a complicated sentence should be proof enough.) 

So, I often act casually as I try to prove that I am indeed smart or skilled with this or that thing. In doing so, I frequently make mistakes that wouldn't have happened if I had not tried so hard to look casual. 

Therefore, I trip on the words I speak as I explain something complex or I tip over lamps while trying to accomplish daring dance feats or I cruise over curbs while taking sharp corners in a residential street. 

Sometimes my brain is a paranoid robot of insecurity that spins into an electric cyclone of dismayed gears. But most times it's not. I like those times the best.

Weekend Theme Song Challenge: Great Balls of Fire!

Whooey! It's been awhile since I last posted. I can blame that on several things, but the main reason is that I've been looking for work (see my two prior posts). Yay!

This past weekend, our WTSC song was Jerry Lee Lewis' "Great Balls of Fire". Read on to find out how I lived out this theme song. And check out Hyperbole Personified’s blog for her story too. It’s sure to be filled with many great balls… of fire.

Friday Night Coma
The weekend began, as it often does, on Friday night. I had drunk some beers (yes, "drunk" is the correct verb form in this sentence) and was watching our local PBS station because that's what Fridays are all about to me - being too cool for parties.

What's this? A knock at the door? It's our lovely Thai landlord/friend who lives next to us. She brought over a hot, heaping aluminum foil-like tray of Thai food! Her mother, also Thai, had just made it. And it was five to eight pounds of steamin' noodles, chicken, shrimp, green onions, carrot shavings and who knows what else! I squeezed fresh-picked lemons and sprinkled her special hot seasoning all over it. So delicious.

It's strange that I don't know the name of this particular dish, which she’s given to us twice before. Whenever I ask her what it is, she says, "It's Thai food." But she never elaborates. Mysterious...

Due to the combination of beer and my serving of Thai food that was fit for a Thai giant, I went into a lovely Thai food coma. My stomach felt like a "Great Ball of Fire"!

The Fourth of July
Saturday was the fourth of July. Jay and I had a friend over from "back home" and we spent most of the day, grilling, eating, drinking, and swimming in our pool. Some highlights were when I scraped the lenses on a pair of old aviator sunglasses on the bottom of the pool and when we made a drink called "Strip and Go Naked" (we use vodka and lemonade in lieu of limeade and Cuervo).

Feeling silly from the sun and drink, we surrendered our transportation privileges to the great Mr. Sober-er Jay, who drove us to Pasadena where we watched the Rose Bowl fireworks from the top of a parking ramp. On this parking ramp, we drank illegal beers and avoided stepping on all of the kids whose cheapskate parents had taken them to the top of this parking structure rather than shell out the dough to actually go to the Rose Bowl to see the fireworks. And what fireworks they were! They had me saying things like "Seen it before", "Big deal; it's just a bunch of gunpowder", and of course "Goodness gracious great balls of fire!"

On the way home, I couldn't help but think of Jerry Lee Lewis singing his signature song. His blondish hair flapping, his fingers feverishly slamming the piano keys and his feet dancing of their own accord. He would've never thought that some other blondish guy (and some blond girl named "Hyperbole Personified") would be writing about him on something called the "internet". Or maybe this is all part of his divine rock and roll plan.

Goodness gracious!

Getting Laid... Off

For almost two years, I've worked in a TV Production/Development company in Los Angeles. Over the past year or so, the company has suffered financial losses and has had cash-flow issues, resulting in layoffs in the company's main NY office and rumors about closing the company's doors completely.

We Saw It Coming...
As several executives in the NY offices quit over the past two weeks, the threat of layoffs at the LA office seemed more and more probable. Moments ago, I received an email from an executive in our NY office. She said she'd like to speak with everyone in the office via conference call tomorrow. I am assuming pretty safely that this phone call will be made to lay off everyone in the LA office, resulting in our office's closure. Most likely, the NY office will soon close as well.

Here's To New Beginnings!
I'm not really sure where to go from here. It's unfortunate that so many talented people will be losing their jobs at our company. But, at the same time, I'm excited for the change. What new adventures lie ahead?

Seriously, What New Adventures Lie Ahead?
Hmmm. I've been sending out resumes and speaking with former Production Coordinators and Production Managers (people who organize and lead the "legwork" of TV shows) looking for work. The industry doesn't seem too dismal. Many of the people I've worked with on TV shows that our company produced are currently working. It's just a matter of me giving those people backrubs until they give me a job!

Who Knows?
I may be completely wrong about getting laid off. Maybe the executive is calling in tomorrow to tell us we are all very special and our office will never close. More news as it comes...

Weekend Theme Song Challenge: "Should I Stay or Should I Go?"

This week’s Weekend Theme Song Challenge was “Should I Stay or Should I Go?” by The Clash. And, like the exciting confusion of the song, I too am an exciting mess! Rather than being confused, however, I am frenetic. I just drank a Red Bull. Austria!

The challenge is between little old me and Hyperbole Personified. Who won the challenge? UTELLME

This past week, my brother and sister came to visit me here in Los Angeles. A week! Can you imagine? I can. But I don’t have to because it was real. It was a fantastic time. So, in lieu of doing a “Weekend” of living out the theme of “Should I Stay or Should I Go?”, I’ll be writing about the whole week they were here as it pertains to this song! (Crowd response: “Yay. He’s going to talk about experiences that are only moderately interesting to people who didn’t experience them…”)

We did a lot of the cool things that one is supposed to do when visiting LA and the area. We went to Hollywood and Highland, MOCA, Downtown, The Grove, all that stuff. In fact there was so much stuff, we often had a hard time deciding what to do, because our time was limited – although a week in LA doesn’t seem like much of a time limit, does it?

So how does all of this crap you’re saying relate to the song, Mr. R.A.I.O.M.B.?
Well, to hell with you! That’s what I say! Exclamation points! Red Bull! Here are some examples…

Should I Stay or Should I Go?
- My internet wasn’t working, so we had to surf the web on my brother’s high tech future phone. It was slow going and we couldn’t decide which comedy show at UCB we wanted to go to on Sunday. We decided to “stay” home (rather than “go”) and played badminton with friends and neighbors all night in my tiny yard with a lemon tree and beers.

- We went to take pictures of ourselves with the Hollywood sign in the background. I parked on a winding street where I saw a sign that read “Absolutely No Stopping”. My car was taking up an entire lane and it caused two almost-car-accidents. When a middle aged man stopped his car to point out the “Absolutely No Stopping” sign to me, we decided to “stay” and finish taking pictures. I feel bad about that. But I was just living out the weekend’s theme song and I think, in hindsight, he understands.

- When we went to Six Flags at Magic Mountain, I had to heave insults and angry words of wisdom at my sister in order to get her to ride “Riddler’s Revenge”. She loved it – the ride, not the insults. She was wise in deciding to “go”.

- We went to the Getty Center and saw a plethora of great photography and paintings. I told my brother and sister that we could either “stay” a little longer at the Getty or “go” to a surprise location that could only be truly enjoyed in daylight. With the sun sinking, we hurried to South Pasadena and were delighted to see some of the houses where Back to the Future was filmed. Our timing couldn’t have been better because there was a guy in front of George McFly’s house with an exact replica of the Delorian time machine as seen in BTTF II! We got great pics and someday I will post them (when I get them from my bro-bro). I’m glad we decided to “go”!

- We spent a couple days using the subway to get around. Generally, it was pretty smooth sailing. There was a period of time, however, when we consistently made the wrong decisions about which trains to “stay” on and which to “go” on. We got tangled up in Hollywood where two lines meet and spent an hour or so getting our act together.

- Lastly, the final “stay or go” situation... On Monday afternoon, less than 24 hours before my brother and sister would have to get on a plane to go back to Fargo, North Dakota, they were faced with a stone-hard decision. They could either go back home like chumps or they could continue the magical, storybook life of busking on Hollywood Blvd and sleeping in my living room. They decided that, although they enjoyed LA, they both had lives waiting for them back in Fargo.

All in all, the week was great, the badminton was intense, the subway was entertaining and the Hollywood was Holly-filled. Thanks brother and sister! Big fat love to you both!


NOTE: If you don’t know what the Weekend Theme Song Challenge is, go to the first posting about it here.

Yee Haw!

Yee Haw, indeed! I wish I knew where the phrase "yee haw" comes from...

My brother and sister recently visited me out here on the west coast. So, stay tuned for fun stories and madness.

Also, please keep yourself tuned - "stay tuned", that is - for the next installment of the "Weekend Theme Song Challenge", which is a mad, mad competition between yours truly and Hyperbole Personified. It is sure to please. And if it doesn't, that's your fault for not being receptive to radicalness.

In the meantime, enjoy this beautiful twin urinal set. Try to guess where I saw it. You WILL win a prize!*

*You will not win a prize.

Weekend Theme Song Challenge: "Stuck In The Middle With You"

Last weekend’s theme song – if you hadn’t yet guessed by the title of this blog – was “Stuck in the Middle With You” by Stealers Wheel. For most of my childhood and adolescence, I thought that Bob Dylan sang that song. He doesn’t. Wanna know what else I thought, that I turned out to be wrong about? “Fresno is an ultra hip, bustling metropolis.” Totally not true… but totally a great surprise of a city!



















Fresno? More like FresYES!
Indeed. I spent the weekend in the city of Fresno, California. Why did I think it was a place where cool people – the type who wear “ironic” clothing – live? I blame it on the Beastie Boys, who oh-so-aptly rhyme with the word “Fresno”: Got busy in Frisco. Fooled around in Fresno / Got over on your girl ‘cause you know she never says ‘no’. Doesn’t Fresno sound rad? I want to "get over" on a girl – whatever that means.

Anyway… How does this weekend’s trip fit into this weekend’s theme song? Well, I spent about 8 hours in a car, driving to and from Fresno through the California desert. Essentially, I was “stuck in the middle” of the desert – and California itself – with three enchanting companions. (“Clowns to the left of me. Jokers to the right”, as the song goes.)

Leaving LA
The farther you drive away from Los Angeles, the more you remember what the real world is like. Los Angeles is kind of like a weird land of make-believe for adults. You forget you’re in it until you get out of it. The first sign that we weren’t in Los Angeles county was literally a sign, mounted on top of a large, brand new apartment complex. It read: “Free Rent”.

You won’t see signs like that in or near LA, but I guess it’s harder to get people to move into apartments in the 100 degree heat of the desert. A few miles down the road, I saw another sign worthy of note. It was affixed to a ramshackle house with a fenced-in yard of patchy desert grass. Inside the fence was a shirtless man with cutoff jeans and unkempt hair, who was hosing off a dog for some reason. On the sign, he had done his best to print the words “Dog Problems”, followed by a phone number. If I call this number, will he cause or fix these “dog problems”? I don’t want to know.

The highlight of the drive to Fresno was the “Musical Road” near Lancaster, CA. Perhaps you’ve heard of it by its other name – “Awesome”.

Fresno
If you’re anything like me, you’re thinking, “Quit talking about the ride to Fresno and talk about the damn city itself!” Fine. The part of Fresno that we stayed in was slightly run down, but it had a lot of heart. It reminded me of a small town in Minnesota, because of all the positivity and hope it seemed to radiate. Nothing visible, just a kindness and sense of something greater in the hearts of the city’s people.

Sadly, the economy didn’t seem to be treating this part of Fresno very well. It may have been the unrelenting desert heat, but the city was far from bustling on this particular Saturday. And there seemed to be an abundance of abandoned warehouse-type buildings that made me want to buy them and shoot sappy music videos in them. While at a local eatery, Jay, a fellow traveler, noticed that two of the three TVs mounted on the walls weren’t on. He pointed out that they seemed to be symbolic of the businesses in Fresno – plenty of buildings, most of them empty.

Chukchansi Park
One shining beacon of hope in Fresno was Chukchansi Park – the home of the Fresno Grizzlies, a minor league baseball team that was playing the Albuquerque Isotopes on our Saturday evening visit. This game was our reason for going to Fresno since one of our travelers – Amy – has a brother who works for the Isotopes as a Video Coordinator. It was a fun game. Fantastic food and desire-quenching beer. Here are some pictures of me living out the weekend theme song with clowns and jokers …













They call her Mustang Sally
In some ways, “Mustang Sally” could have been the theme song to this weekend. After the game (Isotopes won! Go ‘Topes!), we all met up with Amy’s brother and had some cheap beer at a place called “Hero’s Sports Lounge”. The employees there were my heroes! One was from Minnesota. Maybe she was the one giving off the happy Minnesota vibe that I felt in Fresno.

Anyway, “Mustang Sally” could’ve been a great theme song for this weekend, because the lovely Alexis – another traveler – and I were one of a few couples dancing to that song when a gentlemanly bar band was playing it in the upper level of the bar. It was fun. A middle-aged couple, who seemed to “know a thing or two” about dancing, told us they were the judges and that they judged Alexis and I to be the best dancers. Winners! “Mustang Sally” stayed in my head for the rest of the night and into the following afternoon when we hit the road and headed back towards LA.

Cheese? Bravo!
As we departed from Fresno, we enjoyed from the road the view of the many and varied agricultural endeavors – grapes, nectarines and who knows what else! A half hour into the journey, Jay pulled over at a place called Bravo Farms Cheese Factory. Having been to only one other cheese factory in my life, I was excited to have a cheese factory affair.

I could spend a whole other blog post writing about the merits of the Bravo Farms Cheese Factory, and maybe someday I will. But, for now, I’ll just write a bunch of phrases that sum up the experiences you can have at this wonderful and magical place…

-Free cheese samples might get you drunk
-"There's a mini toilet in the bathroom!"
-Puppets sing along with satellite radio
-A backyard you never knew existed
-I’m nuts about nuts and carbohydrate snacks!
-Cheese and keychains and magnets and wine and gifts and cheese
-Amy calls them “Aw-renges”

The whole weekend was a darn happy California experience. I may have been “stuck in the middle” of California, but it was a good kind of stuck – the kind of stuck that can only be experienced with three wonderful traveling companions. Thanks guys!

NOTE: If you don’t know what the Weekend Theme Song Challenge is, go here.

Say Tuned: Weekend Theme Song Challenge #2

The song for this weekend's Weekend Theme Song Challenge, is "Stuck in the Middle With You" by Stealers Wheel. (If you don't know what the Weekend Theme Song Challenge is, go here!)

Stay tuned as I attempt - against the will of my blog nemesis ("blogesis") and friend, Hyperbole Personified - to live out my weekend according to this fantasticated song! I'll post all about it next week at some point. Check my blogesis's post about her weekend, too. (Enjoy it while you can, because she will surely perish by my hand!)

I'm going to Fresno and no one can stop me!

QMC

The Weekend Theme Song Challenge: "Right Place, Wrong Time"

The theme song for this past weekend’s “Weekend Theme Song Challenge” (see my last post for an explanation) was “Right Place, Wrong Time” by Dr. John. How damn appropriate that I traveled from California, where I live, to my hometown of Fargo, to surprise my brother for his 30th birthday.

Allow me to explain why I succeeded with such flying colors at this "Challenge". I consider my home town the "right place" for some of the best moments in my life. And since my brother didn't know I was coming home, my appearance in Fargo was at the "wrong time". Thus, just my being in Fargo was essentially living up to the weekend theme song!

But, the song isn't just about (in)appropriate places and times, it's about all of life's (in)appropriate moments. So...

Here is a short story about me doing some - among many - inappropriate things this past weekend. I call it "Bowling and A Dog and a Butt: An Inappropriate Story"...

Once upon a time, I took my brother to a bowling alley to use him for bicep curls. (Wrong place, wrong weights.)

I became distracted, so I broke into the children's playroom (wrong place) and brought a stuffed dog to life (wrong... science?)

We became the breast of friends. (Good.)

But I decided it was in my breast interest to make a strange, new friend. (Wrong friend.)

We tried to learn how to kiss (Wrong... style.)

Next, I did a smelly thing in the "Employees Only" bathroom. (Wrong place, wrong bodily function.)

My brother did not approve of it. (Whatevs.) You can see my shirt. (Right shirt.)

When we escaped from the bowling alley, my new friend and I met two hillbillies. (That seems okay enough.)

I showed one of them where my butt is. (Wrong.)

THE "END" (Butt pun.)

Well, as you can see from this story, it was a strange yet wonderful time. There was more to my weekend, but most of it was good-natured and not as strange. Mostly just damn hard fun. Speaking of fun, here's a fun video that shows how I surprised my brother on Friday when I arrived in Fargo. (I sang in a child's voice in this video. Don't ask.)

That's all for this "Weekend Theme Song Challenge". I'm not sure if I won or Hyperbole Personified won. I think her weekend was more crazy than mine. But... I'm certain that mine was stranger than hers. Possibly more heartfelt since it was a non-sexual "love" surprise for my brother? Is it a draw? Or do I have to pull out the big guns???

Stay Tuned: "The Weekend Theme Song Challenge" is coming

Someone stupid once said “music is the soundtrack of your life”. While I feel that is a very broad, obvious and uninspired statement, I will use it to segue into today’s blog post.

I was thinking last week that it would be cool to have not a whole “soundtrack”, but just a theme song, for every weekend of my life. In that way, I would behave according to the mood/words/theme of each particular weekend’s song.

I told the (now, former) radical intern at my place of business about my idea. She informed me that she was going to steal the idea and write about it on her blog, which is called Hyperbole Personified. I told her to not be such a jerk for once in her life, so she said we’d turn into a competition on our blogs. I agreed.

Here is an interpretation of the rules (taken from her blog)…
Every weekend we pick a song. It will serve as the theme of the weekend, and whoever comes back with the best story revolving around the theme of the song wins all sorts of street cred! Some weeks we may have the same song (in order to battle) and other weeks we may just pick our own to compare and see who has the most fucked up/hilarious experience.

So we determined last week that the theme song for this past weekend would be “Right Place, Wrong Time”* by Dr. John. Stay tuned for a posting that will detail how I made “Right Place, Wrong Time” the theme song to my insane weekend… but not the “soundtrack of my life”... because Dick Clark is stupid.


*The link to this song is a YouTube video, which shows the lyrics in the info space. The audio is pretty good, but the video... well... I don't know what the heck it's all about.