Saturday, July 31, 2010

Things from today

This morning is when I cleaned the bathroom. Here is a paradox… Cleaning the bathroom is gross, so I don’t do it very often. But, if I did it more frequently, it wouldn’t be so gross. SOLUTION: Purchase a disposable bathroom.

I went to Master Wong’s Foot Clinic in San Gabriel, CA today. It seemed to be Master Wong’s daughter who massaged me. She felt like the gracefully aging daughter of a regal Chinese master. Then she answered her cell phone and carried on a conversation while rubbing my neck. Master Wong would not stand for this. (He would probably do something very honorable, like burn incense in a stone hut, as a show of disapproval. That’s what masters do.)

I watched The Bourne Identity. Now all I want to do is stab bad people with a pen and have a laser implanted in my hip.

Taco Bell sold me a crunchy (formerly called “hard shell”) taco today. At first, I was worried when some of the grated cheese spilled off the taco and onto my passenger seat. I thought something like, “Oh no! Food got on my passenger seat!” Then I remembered fast food cheese isn’t food. (UPDATE: I put the cheese in my gas tank. So far so good.)

Tonight is Parmesan Sage Pork Chop Night! Check your calendar and throw it away! It's too special to be printed on a crummy old calendar! (Slaps his knee and smiles with mouth open.)