Sometimes-es

Sometimes I will write the music of my life.
Sometimes my life will be at the end of a cereal box.
Sometimes everyone in the party has cardboard for fingers.
Sometimes fingers have all the right moves.
Sometimes joysticks aren’t what you think she is talking about for real.
Sometimes paying attention can get expensive.
Sometimes I like you.
Sometimes I like you a lot less.
Sometimes it’s okay to be on the phone.
Sometimes you’ll dial the wrong numbers.
Sometimes I listen to you what you are saying.
Sometimes I pretend I’m listening by saying “uh huh” over and over and over until you shut up.
Sometimes I think what it would be like to be a plant.
Sometimes I plant about what it would be like to be a think.
Sometimes I time the timer on the microwave to see if it’s accurate.
Sometimes it’s always accurate.
Sometimes accuracy is blurred by emotion.
Sometimes emotion is a bag of cookies in a Tupperware container from a faraway grandma’s freezer.
Sometimes the years pass like so many of our lives do.
Sometimes we want what we can easily have but don’t want to do anything to get it.
Sometimes when you get your dreams, you don’t want them.
Sometimes I wish I already had my dreams so I’d already be at the point where I didn’t even want them anymore.
Sometimes I think that would be easier.
Sometimes, I say I’m from one state.
Sometimes, I always say I’m from another.
Sometimes, my state cannot be clarified.
Sometimes I say I’m from a rap song.
Sometimes I say “I’m from ‘Crank That’, by Soulja Boy”.
Sometimes people believe me.
Sometimes I decide it’s time to stop.
Sometimes I keep on writing forever and forever.
Sometimes her feet fall asleep.
Sometimes loud noises wake them up.
Sometimes a nice shower will do the trick.
Sometimes, you need to remind yourself that “Plants need water, man.”
Sometimes sunshine.
Sometimes bees.
Sometimes sometimes.
Sometimes please!

The Weekend Theme Song Challenge: "Right Place, Wrong Time"

The theme song for this past weekend’s “Weekend Theme Song Challenge” (see my last post for an explanation) was “Right Place, Wrong Time” by Dr. John. How damn appropriate that I traveled from California, where I live, to my hometown of Fargo, to surprise my brother for his 30th birthday.

Allow me to explain why I succeeded with such flying colors at this "Challenge". I consider my home town the "right place" for some of the best moments in my life. And since my brother didn't know I was coming home, my appearance in Fargo was at the "wrong time". Thus, just my being in Fargo was essentially living up to the weekend theme song!

But, the song isn't just about (in)appropriate places and times, it's about all of life's (in)appropriate moments. So...

Here is a short story about me doing some - among many - inappropriate things this past weekend. I call it "Bowling and A Dog and a Butt: An Inappropriate Story"...

Once upon a time, I took my brother to a bowling alley to use him for bicep curls. (Wrong place, wrong weights.)

I became distracted, so I broke into the children's playroom (wrong place) and brought a stuffed dog to life (wrong... science?)

We became the breast of friends. (Good.)

But I decided it was in my breast interest to make a strange, new friend. (Wrong friend.)

We tried to learn how to kiss (Wrong... style.)

Next, I did a smelly thing in the "Employees Only" bathroom. (Wrong place, wrong bodily function.)

My brother did not approve of it. (Whatevs.) You can see my shirt. (Right shirt.)

When we escaped from the bowling alley, my new friend and I met two hillbillies. (That seems okay enough.)

I showed one of them where my butt is. (Wrong.)

THE "END" (Butt pun.)

Well, as you can see from this story, it was a strange yet wonderful time. There was more to my weekend, but most of it was good-natured and not as strange. Mostly just damn hard fun. Speaking of fun, here's a fun video that shows how I surprised my brother on Friday when I arrived in Fargo. (I sang in a child's voice in this video. Don't ask.)

That's all for this "Weekend Theme Song Challenge". I'm not sure if I won or Hyperbole Personified won. I think her weekend was more crazy than mine. But... I'm certain that mine was stranger than hers. Possibly more heartfelt since it was a non-sexual "love" surprise for my brother? Is it a draw? Or do I have to pull out the big guns???

Stay Tuned: "The Weekend Theme Song Challenge" is coming

Someone stupid once said “music is the soundtrack of your life”. While I feel that is a very broad, obvious and uninspired statement, I will use it to segue into today’s blog post.

I was thinking last week that it would be cool to have not a whole “soundtrack”, but just a theme song, for every weekend of my life. In that way, I would behave according to the mood/words/theme of each particular weekend’s song.

I told the (now, former) radical intern at my place of business about my idea. She informed me that she was going to steal the idea and write about it on her blog, which is called Hyperbole Personified. I told her to not be such a jerk for once in her life, so she said we’d turn into a competition on our blogs. I agreed.

Here is an interpretation of the rules (taken from her blog)…
Every weekend we pick a song. It will serve as the theme of the weekend, and whoever comes back with the best story revolving around the theme of the song wins all sorts of street cred! Some weeks we may have the same song (in order to battle) and other weeks we may just pick our own to compare and see who has the most fucked up/hilarious experience.

So we determined last week that the theme song for this past weekend would be “Right Place, Wrong Time”* by Dr. John. Stay tuned for a posting that will detail how I made “Right Place, Wrong Time” the theme song to my insane weekend… but not the “soundtrack of my life”... because Dick Clark is stupid.


*The link to this song is a YouTube video, which shows the lyrics in the info space. The audio is pretty good, but the video... well... I don't know what the heck it's all about.

Attention Spans are so- (I don't have time to say it)!

Our intern
Today was the last day that my workplace was graced with the presence of our part time intern. She was a fun, lively and far-above-competent intern and I think we’ll probably miss having her spritely vibe around the office.

One of her fun attributes was her short attention span. She is not alone in her affliction. In fact, most people - perhaps even you - have short attention spans.

Why do you think I would divide my blog up into such short paragraphs?

Why do you think I insert links and pictures into my page?










Why do you think I use subheadings?
Doing all of these things helps to hold the reader’s attention. This precautionary attitude is a must.

Causes
What causes the short attention span? Some think technology has spoiled us. With the internet, mobile phones, and social networking sites, we have become accustomed to getting everything we want with such speed that many of us have lost all patience for things that take a long time, or for things that we perceive will take a long time.

I think this perception that something will take a long time to accomplish is the main reason we get upset and try to “skim over” something, put it off, or even skip it all together.

Friendly complaints about interns
Our most recent intern was a genuine athlete when it came to “skimming over” emails. She would leap Olympic-caliber bounds over key information in emails that I sent her, and then she'd wonder why my emails seemed unclear. It didn’t bother me too much because it gave me a reason to make fun of her.

All of our interns have had a difficulty reading more than two paragraphs in an email. There is always a reason I send an email with long instructions – it’s because each instruction is important. If I would’ve wanted you to only read parts of the email, I would’ve just written those particular parts!

Even in the corner office
Sadly, this skimming custom reaches far beyond the realms of interns. It is a problem in the daily lives of executive-level business communication as well.

THEM: “Where is the rest of the information?”
ME: “Scroll down.”
THEM: (Scrolling down) “Oh, there it is. Why didn’t you divide it up into smaller paragraphs so it would hold my attention?”

This interplay is an exaggeration. But at its roots (and maybe even in its 'trunk') is a definite truth, and I would love to write about it another day.

Looking forward
It is my belief that, in the future, we’ll all have nano-computers wired to our brains so that the answers to any unsolved curiosities we ponder are instantly projected onto our minds.

Of course, in order to hold our attention, the information projected onto our minds will have to be in

very

short

paragraphs.

Mario Cross-Stitch Rad Towel!

This is a towel that rad-ly showcases Super Mario from his early incarnation as a plumber in “Super Mario Bros. 1” to his ossified state as a stone statue (a feat accomplished when in possession of the elusive Tanuki suit) in “Super Mario Bros. 3.”

Super Mario Across the NES Ages

---A little history on why I think this is so damn cool...
A week or so ago, I was searching for images of Mario from the original NES (Nintendo Entertainment System). I knew there was probably a fun way to recreate NES images in another form, because they are so damn simple. (8-bit gaming, how I miss thee!) Anyway, I eventually stumbled upon this site (SpriteStitch.com). I was very pleased to find that someone had smartly and artistically transferred many of the 8-bit images of NES characters and scenes into cross-stitch form!

This transfer from video game pixels to embroidery floss cross-stitches only makes sense. Both mediums require smaller “bits” of color to create a larger image. However, I also think the whole thing is funny because video games and cross-stitch couldn't be more different from one another! I definitely wanna try this out, but it does make me feel like a girl… I guess I'll only cross-stich manly characters...

MORSE MUSIC!!!

Today is the birthday of Samuel F. B. Morse. He was the originator of Morse code and inventor of the electric telegraph. Right now, you might be thinking "Why would I give a half of a damn about some guy who's probably dead?" (NOTE: He is dead. Show some respect.) If you don't think Sammy Morse was a swingin' cat who's worthy of a second (or fiftieth) look, listen (and look) to some musical translations of his dot-dash communication system.

Phil Tulga - Morse Code Music!

Click the link above and scroll to the bottom of the page where the "keyboard" is. Here you can type in words that are translated into drums, tones or voices. I recommend the following words... Robot, 1992 and R.A.I.O.M.B. If you're cool, you probably will try these out... and more! (I think the guy to the left is Phil Tulga. What a mighty good man!)

My Name Is Alfie

Note the advice of a passerby written in pen: "GET A GRIP ON REALITY, GIRL!!"