What I Learned: “The Hike”

This past Saturday, I hiked the Temescal Canyon Loop. And you didn't! Unless, of course, you are Chris Rock. In which case, you most certainly did hike the Temescal Canyon Loop, because I saw you in your blue Adidas track suit, white Kangol hat and giant headphones.

Anyway, in case you’re wondering, the Temescal Canyon Loop is in Topanga State Park, which is in the Santa Monica Mountains, which is just west of Los Angeles, where I live. I wrote that all in one breath!

The following is what I learned from the hike, in no particular order.

1. I love being near flowing water in nature. I technically already knew this, but it’s always a pleasure to re-learn it. There was a modest waterfall along the trail and my two hiking compadres (girlfriend and dudefriend) and I took off our shoes and socks and walked in the beautiful, chilly nature-pool. (Reminder: We don’t swim in your toilet, so don’t pee in our pool.) Deeelightful.

2. Lone hikers are scary. I keep thinking they want to push me into the canyon.

3. Smog is good. When we reached the peak of the trail, the fuzzy haze of the smog made the ocean, the piers and the rich people’s houses below look like some beautiful scene from a long-forgotten dream.

4. Obese people should wear shirts while sweating in Temescal Canyon.

5. Sometimes my girlfriend is right. On our ascent up the mountain path, the three of us clambered up a steep, dangerous and tunnel-like passageway in the brush. Our first problem was mistaking it for what a California camping website called "a moderate, gently sloping, family-friendly hiking trail". My girlfriend knew the whole time we were on the wrong path. BUT, we made it, didn’t we? Didn’t we, Honey?

That’s all for now. I may have learned more from this hike, but I forgot it after the test. No matter. Until next time, happy trails!